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Telling your partner that you are questioning your gender identity can exist daunting. Share the truth with your partner anyway. Suppressing your true feelings is bad for your health, and tin can lead to depression or anxiety. It can too impairment your human relationship with your partner and yourself in the long term.

  1. i

    Decide what you need to tell your partner well-nigh your identity. This topic will probable be confusing for both you and your partner. You lot should know ahead of time what you want to share with your partner. If you are nervous that you volition forget or get off topic, write down the things you desire to talk to your partner about.

    • Only telling your partner "I'm questioning my gender," is a proficient start, but information technology leaves a lot of unanswered questions. It can help to tell your partner something more explicit like "I experience similar I was born the incorrect gender. I am uncomfortable living my life as the gender I was assigned at birth, and I am questioning whether I want to continue living every bit that gender."

  2. 2

    Be honest and directly. Be clear with your partner virtually how questioning your gender affects how you view the relationship. If you are interested in continuing the human relationship, make certain your partner knows that. If a new gender identity means you plan to leave the relationship, exist certain to tell your partner that. If you are not sure what you lot desire, and so tell your partner that. Avoiding the truth, or outright lying to your partner, volition make your partner uneasy. This can go far harder for them to trust yous, especially in a fourth dimension that can be confusing for them.[one]

    • Being honest also allows you lot to share yourself with your partner and live your life in a genuine style.
    • Reassure your partner by saying things similar "I know this is confusing to yous, just information technology makes me more comfy. I notwithstanding love yous and want to exist with you lot, and this change can exist positive. For case, I experience more in tune to myself and to you."

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  3. three

    Assemble every bit much information as possible to discuss with your partner. Many people know little most the life of a transgender person. You will need to help your partner understand. Tell them stories, collect scientific research manufactures, and carefully explicate your situation.[ii]

    • Many people may non fifty-fifty empathise what gender dysphoria is. This is a good place to showtime explaining things to your partner from a scientific and medical perspective.
    • For example, yous might say something like "I know that information technology is difficult to empathize, but some people are built-in this way. I haven't 'decided' to feel this manner, it is only part of me."
    • Brand sure to requite your partner materials that they tin read over in their spare time. It is likely that they will not retain a lot of the information y'all requite them, and then allowing them to read through it in their own fourth dimension volition exist helpful for them.

  4. 4

    Explain your needs. With not understanding your situation comes not understanding your needs. Even the most sympathetic of partners may accept a hard time knowing what they can do to support you during this time. Be clear and honest about the ways that your partner can be there for you.[3]

    • For instance, you may need to talk to your partner nigh your gender daily. On the reverse, you may experience virtually comfortable if your partner doesn't bring it upwards. Say something to your partner like "Yous tin come to me if we demand to talk almost information technology, but otherwise, I would prefer not to dwell on the subject every mean solar day."
    • Be certain to enquire virtually their needs every bit well. Try saying something like, "How can I aid you process this?"

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  1. 1

    Choose a calm and relaxing time to talk. The big news that you are questioning your gender should not exist dropped on your partner lightly. Plan a date to get out to the park, accept a weekend trip, or practise something that you lot and your partner enjoy. Make sure that you and your partner are both as relaxed equally you can be.[4]

    • Your partner may have a harder time processing whatsoever large news afterwards a long stressful twenty-four hours.

  2. two

    Find a private place to talk. The two of you lot will have a lot to discuss. Rather than bringing this up at a eating house, talk over dinner at home. You could too plan a getaway and have a fresh change of scenery for your chat. Make sure the place you lot choose is calm and private and then that you lot will non be interrupted.[v]

    • If you are afraid that your partner will react violently, you should non disclose this in private. In fact, leaving the relationship altogether might be a adept idea. If your partner has negative opinions of transgender people, this might exist a alarm sign.
    • A good option for facilitating a chat between you lot and your partner is to run into with a mental health professional, such as a therapist. Try maxim something like, "I've started talking to someone about things going on in my life and I'd similar y'all to join me for a session."

  3. 3

    Practise the conversation. This will help you exist more comfortable with what y'all want to say. If it helps, y'all can practice in front of a mirror. If yous know where you will exist having the conversation, you can go do there so that you are more comfy at the time of the conversation.

  4. four

    Tell your partner that you are questioning your gender. Once you lot make a date and pick prissy private place to talk, you can start the chat. Be clear and direct with your partner. Explicate how y'all feel, and when you lot are finished, permit them to respond.[6]

    • For example, you can just say "I set this date up because I wanted to talk to you near the mode that see myself. I am questioning my gender, and desire to include you lot in the journey."
    • Keep in mind that this will likely be very emotional for you. If you start to cry, don't try to concur it in or experience ashamed. Merely take a few deep breaths and take a moment to etch yourself before continuing.

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  1. 1

    Be prepared to answer questions. Even though yous have probably known for a long fourth dimension that your current gender feels uncomfortable, your partner is no listen reader. This can come as a big change for your partner and your human relationship. Answer any questions that yous can and reassure your partner that you lot are still the same person and feel the same fashion most them.[7]

    • Your partner is likely to inquire things like "How long accept y'all felt this way," or "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
    • Your partner may also enquire something like "Will yous change your mind?"
    • Your partner may also start to question the unabridged history of your relationship and wonder whether any of it was real. Make sure to validate this because it is a normal stage in this process.

  2. 2

    Be respectful of your partner's feelings. How you run across yourself and your torso is your pick alone. Your relationship, still, is comprised of two people. Your partner has a right to their own feelings the same way that you have a right to yours. Let your partner to limited those feelings and be equally respectful as you lot expect them to be of your feelings.[8]

    • This does not hateful to tolerate abusive or demeaning beliefs. Your partner has a right to feel happy, confused, pitiful, angry, excited, or any combination of emotions, simply they do not take the correct to lash out at yous.
    • For example, it is okay for your partner to say something like "This is really confusing for me, and it makes me uncomfortable." It isn't okay for them to say something like "You disgust me! I hate you!"

  3. iii

    Allow your partner time to remember. You accept been thinking near how this news would affect your relationship for some time earlier you told your partner. Now, they may need a turn to think. Practise not rush your partner to respond or force them to talk over again earlier they are ready.[nine]

    • There is no set corporeality of time that is correct. Yous and your partner volition take to feel out the situation and decide how much time is needed.
    • Discuss with your partner your feelings virtually them talking this over with a close friend or family member, or if you would prefer that they discover a advisor to speak with for at present.

  4. four

    Find a support system. Having a back up system will help yous to empathize who you are and how you experience. Information technology is important to surround yourself with positive people who will non decline yous for questioning your gender. Information technology is also a expert idea to consider having contact with support groups or other individuals who accept gone through the aforementioned experiences you are at present living.

    • GLAAD, PFLAG, and the Homo Rights Entrada are specially helpful resource.[10] [11] [12]

  5. 5

    Practice self-care. Suppressing your feelings is unhealthy and can manifest in a diversity of mental and physical means from headaches to depression. Take the fourth dimension to permit yourself to question, determine for yourself who you are, and have yourself. Keep up with your hygiene, both physical and emotional, by exercising regularly, eating well, and resting.

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Add New Question

  • Question

    How can I assistance my partner with gender dysphoria?

    Lauren Urban, LCSW

    Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over thirteen years of therapy feel working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA customs and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol apply.

    Lauren Urban, LCSW

    Licensed Psychotherapist

    Expert Reply

    There are no hard rules here, then how you help your partner depends on the kind of help they desire. To outset, just ask them what kind of help they need. It'due south possible that they won't need anything from you at all, or that they'll just want you lot to care for them the aforementioned way you normally would. It'due south besides possible that they'll ask for a lot of help! Whatever they enquire for, do your best to respect their wishes and practice whatsoever you can to exist a great partner.

  • Question

    How practise you lot go your partner to accept your new gender expression?

    Lauren Urban, LCSW

    Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over thirteen years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol utilise.

    Lauren Urban, LCSW

    Licensed Psychotherapist

    Expert Respond

    Exist honest and patient with them, and don't try to force them to come up around. It may take them a while to piece of work through their feelings and exist set to talk to you about it. In the finish, it's up to them how they feel, only giving them time may assist them come across this is what's best for you.

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  • Do not wait as well long to tell your partner. This can cause them to feel like you have been hiding secrets from them.

  • Be confident in yourself.

  • Seek couple's counseling or find some other couple that has been in your situation to assist guide you.

  • Proceed in mind that no matter how prepared y'all are for this conversation, you will likely demand to have a series of conversations over time. Consider finding an private therapist for both you and your partner to meet with during this fourth dimension.

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  • Exercise not put yourself in the position to be harmed by an abusive partner.

  • Do non focus on your gender so much that it makes your normal day to day relationship incommunicable.

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References

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